Disappointment and it’s meaning

Disappointment is a harsh word. I would like to tell a story of a girl I know. I’m going to keep her name anonomous throughout this story. This story is one of those stories that doesn’t have a happy ending. It all started when she was born. As a little newborn baby; her own mother neglected her, never really took care of her, and abandoned her when she was only a baby. Probably about four months old at the time. When she left; the babys’ father was left to take care of her. But he was never there either, because he had to work all the time, to take care of the child.

So she was left with her grandparents to take care of her. She was moving back and forth from person to person.Soon after though, the little girls’ father found this woman that became the stepmother of the little girl.

This girl grew up to understand what was happening and going on in her life. She was not very happy with herself or her own life. She realized that she wasn’t wanted by the one person she needed. But she also had to let in another person in her life. This little girl had to be happy with the new arrangements. Soon after; when the girl was about two years old, her dad and her step mother got married. The girl was happy for her father. Even though she didn’t know exactly what was going on at the time. She started calling the stepmother; mommy.

The little girl was about five when she was told that her biological mom left her and never wanted her. So she was then growing up with abandonment issues. But she always visited her biological mom in Evanston. She never knew why she was visiting her mother. She thought her mother never wanted anything to do with her. Which was true. When she visited, she was neglected and starved, because the mother didn’t have money to take care of the girl and her two little brothers. So she came home hungry and lost so much weight. She lost about ten pounds everytime she came back. This girl though, wanted to visit her brothers, because she loved them more than her own mother. The last time she ever visited her own mother and brothers was when she was eight years old.

Now she is seventeen almost eighteen. As she was growing up; she always thought that she was never cared about and that she was a disappointment to everyone she knew, because she felt that if her own mother didn’t want her, then no one did. But later in life; when the girl was three, her stepmother had a little girl. And then she had more children after that. Growing up; they were always fighting, never getting along. The sisters were telling the girl that she was never supposed to be there, she was supposed to be with her biological mother, and that she will never belong in the family. She still lived with them for a while longer. Then the parents got a divorce.

The girl went with her father. Of course the girl thought it was somewhat her fault, because of all the things she was told during her life before. Somehow even where she was supposed to be; the girl seemed to mess things up there too.

After a few years past, her parents got back together and got remarried when the girl was eleven years old. She was happy again. Well for awhile anyway. She still fought with her siblings, but it gradually got worst. They wanted her to go she thought. Her own family didn’t want her at all either. She didn’t know what to do. She was getting bad with her temper, and she couldn’t control her anger.

The girl at 13 or 14 years of age was depressed and fighting non-stop with her mom. They had the worst fights. Their fights got so bad, that they said things that never should have been said. The things that were said haunted the girl for days. The last fight was when she was 16 or 17 years old. The girl had had enough, and she couldn’t control herself and she ran away.

She called her grandma from a friend’s house. Her grandma came and got her from a place not far from her home. I guess her parents cared enough to look for her. Her grandma made her call her parents to tell them that she was ok and she will come home later. But her mom told her to come home that instant. Without hesitation, the grandma took her home. The girl went inside and went straight to bed without saying a word. Then weird things started happening for a while to her.

The parents at least were being careful around her. They were being nice, always on her side, when the girls siblings were picking a fight with her. She knew something was wrong. There was still tension between everyone. The girl didn’t like it. Everyone was trying not to make her snap or something. She hated how she was being treated. All she wanted was to feel welcome. She didn’t want to hurt the ones she loved anymore. But it never went how she wanted it.

Everything gradually got worst. So she started to have suicidal thoughts. They kept getting more vivid and stronger. The girl didn’t know what to do. The girls’ mom knew something was wrong, but she didn’t know what to do. So she sent the girl to counseling. She didn’t want to go, but her mom made her. So she talked to her counselor, and it made things worst between her and her mom.

Like I said disappointment is a harsh word but it is what the parents felt for the girl. Which is how she felt anyway. Everything she did was wrong. Everything she said was wrong. The thing she was good at was pissing people off. Nothing else. The girl stopped going to counseling. But things were still the same. She felt so disappointed in herself. The girl tried to make things right between everything and everyone.

She just needed to think before she does and say anything to anyone.This girl’s life she felt like she never belonged anywhere. And she was right; she doesn’t. She is an outcast, a nobody. But she has to be somebody if she is being bullied at school and at home.

Later; when she was seventeen years old, she had a boyfriend. She was finally happy. But after the first month, she was being ignored by him. Also he didn’t  tell her, he broke up with her. She had to find out by a way that was not ok. She was hurt so terribly. It was hard to come back from that. But now she is ok  and recovered, after she got rid of his jacket. It wouldn’t have been a big deal but it was her first relationship, besides this guy my parents let me date. They were ok with it. It was also a five month relationship.

But I guess it doesn’t matter anymore. It’s strange how the world works. Right? This girl a few days ago was walking to cool things down a little bit. While she was doing this, she was talking to herself about all the things she was doing wrong  and what was going on in her life. Also how others around her were treating her as well as others around them.

She was asking this God why he brought her here in the first place. What was her purpose in this life time, because she knew she had many before and probably succeeded in those life times. But this one she doesn’t know she will.

This girl is lost beyond saving.  She also asked this God; “what on Earth was I thinking. Coming to this lifetime?!” She wants to go back. But what she would have to do will not bring her back. It will take her to a place where no one can come back from ever. It would be a bad place. But it wouldn’t be hell, because  it doesn’t exist.

She has also promised so many people that she wouldn’t do anything wreckless to those who actually loved her, and showed it. This girl cares deeply for those who scorn her. So she thought maybe they will change, and Maybe she will change too. Hopefully.

Now this girl is almost eighteen years old. She says that he cannot wait till then or after she graduates high school to get out into the world and experience more of the world. She is afraid to though as well. Her mom will not let her leave until after college. Which the girl did not want at all.

So I guess she is imprisoned to her own home. She talks to others, to get their opinion on the subject. They all said the same thing. “You’re going to be eighteen years old, you can do whatever you want. They can’t tell you you can’t any more.” So maybe when she turns eighteen she will move out and get a life. But a horrible thing happened.

This girl was overwhelmed with everything, she didn’t want to live much anymore. So now she is having suicidal thoughts again. But this time it is different. She always keeps her promises. All this girl wants is to stop hurting those who are around her. And to not be a disappointment to any body. Also to not mess up any one’s lives anymore either. To be honest though, I think that she should get help from someone. She believes that her life will turn around and she won’t be a disappointment anymore to anyone. That is why she is still around.

So many things have happened to this girl that she doesn’t know what to do anymore. She feels like a lost soul. Being this way can tear you apart inside. Which it did to her. I have tried so many things to fix her, but I guess she can’t be fixed. I think that she can be fixed though. All she needs is a little break, and a special thing to stay in her life. Then she will be happy. But it will be a long while before then. This is the story of the life of a girl who thinks that no one cares about how she feels, and how she’s good at pissing people off, and disappointing those around her.

But I really feel she will get better, she will find people who will love her, who will worry about her when she’s sad and will always be there for her. Her life is just starting and there is still so many chapters left in her story. Leave your comments and message us we would like to hear from you.

by Q

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